seeing red

[Beautiful~Mistake]

..i never understood the meaning of the term until it happened to me.. my temper took over and i blacked out.. i couldn't recall anything that happened in the time between the red curtain and waking up, feeling as if i had been hit by a bus..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

..somewhere along the way i had picked up a knife as i wandered through the house, trying to escape your voice but it persistently followed me with every turn, egging me on..

i looked into your eyes and i was filled with hate.. anything i once felt suddenly enveloped in my bitterness towards you.. i wanted to hit you.. i wanted you to hurt.. i wanted to taste your blood as it escaped your body by my hand..

i couldn't understand why i was so angry, but it was getting worse and worse until i screamed and the knife flew through my fingers, wedging itself deep into the wall just inches from my youngest brothers head..

terrified, he escaped to his bedroom without a word as i stood and looked at the knife in shock..

taking control over myself i calmed my breathing, until it was normal once again.. i continued pacing the house, your voice still taunting me.. until it took over me again.. driving my fist into the first surface that appeared, the mirror fell to the floor in shards, my knuckles open and dripping...

oblivious to the wounds i had just sustained, your voice continued to pierce my mind.. infiltrating all my thoughts..

i looked into the mirror laying on the floor in pieces and i no longer saw my own reflection.. but the reflection of a monster.. glowing red eyes, so vibrant but dead..

realization kicked in and i sat on the floor amidst the broken glass and blood and stared into my own reflection as my breathing calmed and hot tears stung my eyes..

i looked around me and to the voice in my head, there was nobody.. no one was there.. i was alone..

[Beautiful~Mistake]

what is the cause of all this hate......

<font color="#ff6600" size="1">[ October 29, 2003 03:37 AM: Message edited by: the revenant ]</font>

[Mystyx]

The answers lie within.....

[Beautiful~Mistake]

only been inside, and it.. its when you are inside, you're still actually outside, aren't ya..? and then when you're outside, you can say that you're inside, because you're always inside your head..

[Mystyx]

If it lies within... then it tells the truth when its outside....*L

[Beautiful~Mistake]

I've been dreaming.
I was lucid.
I was dreaming blood was seeping from my pores.
Who'd believe that it was all my own decision?
Cracked faces and medicated smiles.
Set fire to my home before I turned and walked back in.
For even needle open my chest and insert ten pins.
I just anticipate what awaits when I awake... break.
I die in my daydreams.
The gardens have all been overgrown.
I pushed my hand through the thorns to crush the final rose.
A deadly secret only I suffer to know.
I can't eradicate what awaits when I awake... break.
I die in my day dreams.

[Mystyx]

I love that.......